Will We Ever Understand Aliens?

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I often wonder, in idle moments, how we might talk to aliens if they turned up suddenly. The problem is that aliens are – well, alien. Picture the scene:

“We are from ZORG!” Public domain.
  1. Aliens turn up. Their language, to our ears, has just one word, ‘blubbleblop’. Nobody realises they communicate by eye movement and the sound is a product of their digestive system at work. Hilarity follows, until the aliens lose patience and destroy Earth with their Digestive Gas Driven Atomic Obliteration gun.
  2. Aliens turn up. Every word in their language is an Earth-language obscenity. Hilarity follows, until the aliens lose patience and unleash their B-Movie Style Planetary Disintegrator.
  3. Aliens turn up. Every word in English turns out to be a dire insult in their language. Hilarity follows until the aliens cut loose with their Atomic Planet Blasting DeNucleation Rays.
  4. Aliens turn up, speaking an actual script from a 1951 episode of ‘I Love Lucy’ which they have wildly misunderstood. Hilarity follows, until – well, you can guess the rest.

What’s your take on the likelihood of a hilarious, yet disastrous alien encounter?

Copyright © Matthew Wright 2020

By Matthew Wright


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